OVER THE LAST 30 YEARS OR SO, AND DISTINCT FROM MY ROLE AS A MUSIC EDUCATOR AND COMPOSER, I’VE WORKED IN A PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL CAPACITY AS A CONFIDANT. THE TITLE OF CONFIDANT IS NOT USED ALL THAT OFTEN, HOWEVER, I FEEL IT BEST DESCRIBES THE ROLE I PLAY AND WHAT IT IS THAT I PROVIDE.
Frankly, I don’t think the word ‘mentor’ best describes what I do. Nor am I a fan of the word ‘coach’ – it’s an overused and perhaps misused title, and these days coaches seem to be all over social media platforms, and seemingly across a vast array of professions. I’m of the view that great coaches are pretty rare, and it’s a title that probably needs to be earned over a great deal of time and as a result of a vast breadth of experience.
So when I seriously began to consider how I would describe the role that I play, I chose the word Confidant because of the fact that it etymology implies three things that I believe I can stand behind:
One, somebody whom you can have confidence in.
Two, somebody who you can confide in.
And three, someone who’ll hold what you have to say in absolute confidentiality.
I’m not a therapist, I don’t pretend that I am. In my interactions with others I draw entirely from my own experiences, my own struggles, my own insights, my own failures and victories. I absolutely love people, and I’m absolutely fascinated by the extraordinary complexity of people’s lives, and how that’s juxtaposed against the extraordinary simplicity of the mechanics of human behavior. In the spirit of full disclosure (who on earth wants anything less), I was raised as part of a wonderful family, with extraordinary parents who deeply loved one another. As children we were always loved, treated well, provided with opportunities and fully supported in whatever we chose to do. Even so, childhood was a rather painful experience for me – mostly feeling disconnected, like I didn’t fit in, and acting out in rather self-damaging ways. Externally I was a confident, very articulate, intelligent and an outwardly happy child. Internally, I was confused and suffering in deep silence.
I began developing a deep interest in human behavior in my late teens. I had several wonderful and (literally) life-changing experiences with psychiatrists and, from the mid-80s onwards, immersed myself in transformative education. All of this has played a significant role in how I’ve managed my own life and how I’ve found a way of reconciling who I am.
I’ve been able to find a workable level of personal peace, take responsibility for my complexities, be profoundly appreciative and grateful of who I am and the life I live. I’ve also been able to identify what it is about myself that’s unique and what it is that I have to contribute. With gratitude and respect for both my darker and lighter sides, I’ve successfully sustained an extraordinary relationship with my wife, Hunter, and we’ve had an incredible 50 years of love and friendship. I’ve parented three beautiful children into adulthood. I’ve been able to articulate an interpretation of my life and my purpose that has enabled me to create employment and self-employment opportunities for thousands of people, as well as build a multinational organization that has contributed to the self-expression of people all over the world.
What’s made this possible has been an act of love, compassion, self-forgiveness, gratitude and a relentless commitment to embrace and appreciate both my strengths and shortcomings. What’s also allowed for this has come about as a result of a discovery that I made that has caused a shift in my perspective, my world view and the way I function in life.
This shift emerged over a period of several years – a perspective that I formulated into a ‘model of interpretation’ that’s based on insights I had about my own behavior, and how I’ve come to now regard this as a human condition centered around emotional, attitude and perspective addiction. Essentially, it’s a point of view – a way of looking at life through a particular lens – and this lens has allowed me to establish a very different relationship with my own behavior.
As I began to develop this model and share it with others, I’ve seen the impact that it’s had on people’s understanding of themselves. I believe it shines a very different light on why it is that certain persistent issues in our lives remain somewhat permanent (in spite of our best efforts). These days I have the privilege of sharing this on stages, as well as working individually with people, to provide them with a different interpretation and access to managing their issues, and contribute to their wisdom, self-awareness, self-expression and freedom.
“I’ve come to see this as a human condition centered around emotional, attitude and perspective addiction.”
I’m happy to speak with you, find out a little more about what concerns you have that are persistent, share more about my Behavioral Mechanics model of interpretation, and work with you if you feel that what I have to offer would make a contribution to what you’re up to, what it is you value, and what it is that’s important to you. Feel free to contact me if you’d like to speak further.
And rather than go into any further detail about my work and the impact that it has, let me share a few comments from a small sampling of what others have to say about it:
WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT NEIL:
“For years I suffered in silence, thinking I was broken, that there was something wrong with me, that the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough were telling the truth. Until my good friend and mentor, Neil Moore, shared his model of Behavioral Mechanics with me. The insights from this model had a profound shift in how I see the world, how I see myself, and how to have compassion for others. For the first time ever I now had a tangible model explaining why I’ve spent years sabotaging my personal and professional growth – along with a framework for how to change the behaviors moving forward. I can’t thank Neil enough for supporting me on this journey of true transformation.”
“Neil is one of the most amazing and brilliant humans I’ve ever met. One of his superpowers is his ability to truly listen and hear the words beneath the words. He’s a communication master and is brilliant at advising others on how to approach the most complex situations with love and honesty. There was a situation I was running into over and over again with team members that were causing friction and frustration. Neil advised me on how to communicate with more clarity as a leader. The result? The powerful perspective shift he showed me is something I still use to this day for effective, loving, and results-oriented communication within our team culture.”
“I was very fortunate to have worked with Neil as a Confidant. The depth of integrity, wisdom and love that this man embodies is, I believe, quite rare. He has a gift for guiding others to reach deep for their own answers to life’s challenges. It’s done in a way that honors their experiences and emotions with the utmost sensitivity and understanding. Neil is a person who loves and cares deeply, honors his word, and transforms lives. I can say without reservation that my life has been utterly transformed for the better because of Neil Moore.”
“Neil has been a tremendous influence in my life. His ability to be fully present is remarkable. His feedback, input, and suggestions (he doesn’t give ‘advice’), are given from a place of understanding and compassion. As such, his capacity to listen with an intention of hearing, acknowledging, and relating is something I have rarely experienced.”
“Working with Neil has absolutely changed my approach to relationships – most importantly, my relationship to myself. His approach is also deeply human and compassionate, which made me feel seen and empowered to untangle my web of self-harming patterns. I cannot emphasize enough how much this work has changed me and positively impacted my life.”
“I am forever grateful for this man and his compassionate, no-nonsense approach to helping me see what was getting in my way of success! As a mentor and Confidant, he was instrumental in providing me with an understanding of the structure of my Behavioural Mechanics. With his knowledge and unwavering support, I was able to begin unraveling what was needed to achieve my own desired outcomes.”